We bring you our latest exciting new development. Some of you will be aware that post manufacturing treatments of valves is currently en-vogue. I have read with interest just how beneficial cryogenic or ‘cryo’ treatment of valves is purported to be. Allegedly, the stresses induced during valve manufacture affect electrode structure tolerances within the valve and cryogenic freezing relaxes these – permanently.

As a scientist, I understand that many of the metals used in valve manufacture such as Copper, Molybdenum , Nickel and Tungsten are transition metals. I am however, unsure how a transition metal’s ‘electron ship in a cation sea’ lattice is permanently affected by cryogenic treatment, however I am no metallurgist.  Maybe there’s a clue in those words somewhere - ‘metal and ‘lurgy’ come to mind.

But it must be true I suppose – after all, look at The Incredible Hulk! And we all know that if we freeze water, it aligns into a new structure which non- scientists call ice. If I were rich enough, I would take my ice to the Bahamas to see if it’s state change is permanent. It doesn’t stay as ice in Cheshire but maybe that’s because I’m using a Frigidaire instead of liquid nitrogen to do the initial freezing.

Anyhow, I digress, because as a PhD qualified scientist armed with a Bash Street Swimming Club 100M swimming certificate and a Swiss Army knife having an attachment for removing stones from horse hooves, I have devised a new post manufacture valve treatment, yes, Pussy treatment and I will be offering it free of charge, on request to anyone who purchases any valve I offer for sale.

In my opinion, Pussy treatment of valves will give a similar audible effect to cryo treatment of valves but to you the customer, it’s free of charge, involves no Dreschel bottles, no Dewar flasks and no liquid nitrogen, it is completely organic, is carbon neutral and no Galapagos giant turtles will be harmed in the treatment of your valves.

Pretty good huh, more details on this exciting new development in my next blog posting.